If you’ve ever been to a big megaplex movie theater, you’re probably familiar with the E! Entertainment Network celebrity quotes that scroll across the screen in hopes of getting you to look up often enough to view their ads. Celebrities say a lot of dumb things, but that’s not really a surprise.

What I find amusing is when you get equally amusing and ridiculous quotes out of people who were smart enough and dedicated enough to put pen to paper for long enough to write a book. Here are a few gems:

“Writing is like pulling teeth out of your penis.” - Jonathan Safran Foer

“I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.” - Stephen King

“If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you’re a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.” - Kurt Vonnegut

“There are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other.” - JK Rowling, in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (Actually, this is a great quote, and very true - it’s the reason I don’t speak to most men. They would simply be too enamored with me to continue on about their day-to-day business in my presence. Right.)

“Accidents will occur in the best regulated families.” - Charles Dickens

Okay, so maybe these aren’t as bad as Carmen Electra’s “Life isn’t worth living without a camera around,” but I still found them interesting.