Emily Hanlon-Tasarov, an English romance novelist and writing coach, was charged with felony assault after “accidentally” hitting her husband in the head with a phone book. After he was unconscious for a few minutes(?!), she decided to call 911. Her husband (typical victim of abuse -grin-) wants the police to drop the charges, but they refuse.

He says, “A few things began flying at the wall, and one of them was a telephone book, and unfortunately my head moved into the space that the book was flying.” Off the record, he was heard muttering, “This is all my fault. If I hadn’t burned dinner, none of this would be happening.”

Let’s take a look at this cold-blooded felon…What a knock-out!

So we’ve already mentioned that John Updike’s latest will be coming out on 6-6-06, but he’s definitely not the only one releasing that day. I just wonder how many are strategic and how many are accidental…

Undead and Unpopular by Mary Janice Davidson - I’m sure it’s a terrible read, but I think the name is super cute.

Candles Burning by Tabitha King and Michael McDowell. Publishers Weekly says it, “moves at a hypnotic pace, like an Alabama water moccasin slipping through black water.” Oh, those crazy journalists who wish they were novelists…it does sound like the kind of book someone named “Tabitha” would write, though.

The Rapture: In the twinkling of an eye, countdown to the earth’s last days by Tim Lahaye and Jerry Jenkins. No thank you. Seriously. I bet this totally sells out down at the local Wal-Mart.

The End of California by Steve Yarbrough. There’s a Piggly Wiggly on the cover, and that’s always cool.

High Plains Tango by Robert James Waller. It’s a continuation of The Bridges of Madison County…be still my heart. If I were 80, this might be the highlight of my year. I still can’t figure out why the release date was listed on June 6th, though. It doesn’t seem like the kind of book you’d want to associate with any of that 666 silliness…Amazon is selling it already, though.

You know, I was going to go on, but it seems like most of the titles I’m seeing on the list are about vampires and I’m getting bored just entering in the links.

Let me just sum this up by saying that the only June 6th release that looks like it will be worth buying is Maddox’s The Alphabet of Manliness. If you don’t know who that is, check it out at The Best Page in the Universe. The page alone makes me want to give him $9.

I just finished reading This Book Will Save Your Life by A.M. Homes, and I must say, I was pleasantly surprised. I didn’t care much at all for Music For Torching, so it was a pleasant surprise to read her book and find out it didn’t totally suck. Of course, I’ve got a soft spot for anything post-apocalyptic or set in LA, so maybe that explains it.

The characters are fun (although kind of cliche) - a reclusive 1960s novelist, a housewife losing it, an attractive movie star…really, all she needs is a hardened tough-guy cop and it’s Movie of the Week Material…Ohhhh yes, and we can’t forget the 17-year-old estranged son that comes up halfway through the book…

Really, though, while I’d hardly call it fine literature, it’s a quick and entertaining read. I suggest switching your dustjacket if you read in public, though. The title, “This Book Will Save Your Life”, makes everyone think that they have the right to interrupt your reading to find out how and why it will live up to its name. And really, it won’t. If I find my life in danger, I suspect that the only thing this book is good for is a projectile weapon.

But anyway, on to my point - Anytime I read a book, it prompts me to do an image search on the author. I’m shallow like that. Most of the time, I don’t see anything terribly interesting…a couple of publicity shots, maybe some pictures from a signing, that sort of thing. With A.M. Homes, though, I found MySpace Angles.

In case you aren’t familiar with MySpace Angles, let me explain. When a girl (or guy) wants to look hotter than he or she actually is, he/she sets out to take HUNDREDS of self-portraits from every conceivable angle. Almost anyone looks good from some angle. If the angles don’t help, most people will convert the images to black and white or increase the contrast. You can melt away pounds, reduce the appearance of blemishes, or hide an unsightly snaggle tooth.

So check this out - A.M. Homes MySpace angles:

And then we have the real pictures. It was clear in the first pictures that Homes is a portly kind of woman. Nothing wrong with that, though. Not everyone can have a body like Jessica Simpson. THEN we look at these and we wonder what on earth happened. I mean, in the first pictures you can look at her and think, “Wow, if she dropped a few, she’d be quite lovely.” These pictures hardly look like the same woman.