I’ll be frank - I don’t generally like guys with light hair. In my personal life, I try to stick to guys with dark brown or even black hair. However, I could probably be persuaded to make an exception for Eric Blehm, author of The Last Season.

In fact, I just used the last of an Amazon gift certificate to buy that very book, based solely on his picture. Whoever said, “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” would be ashamed of me right now. I’ve taken shallow snap judgments to a whole new level.

I present to you, the evidence:

Eric Blehm:

Not Eric Blehm (though these furballs did come up on my “Eric Blehm” Google Image Search):

What do you think, ladies? And gents, of course, if that’s the way you swing.

Salman Rushdie and his super-hot wife, Padma Lakshmi. I’m a girl, and even I have to admit to being a little jealous. Wow. Is this what a few good books (Shalimar the Clown : A Novel, The Satanic Verses, Midnight’s Children) gets you?

I just finished reading This Book Will Save Your Life by A.M. Homes, and I must say, I was pleasantly surprised. I didn’t care much at all for Music For Torching, so it was a pleasant surprise to read her book and find out it didn’t totally suck. Of course, I’ve got a soft spot for anything post-apocalyptic or set in LA, so maybe that explains it.

The characters are fun (although kind of cliche) - a reclusive 1960s novelist, a housewife losing it, an attractive movie star…really, all she needs is a hardened tough-guy cop and it’s Movie of the Week Material…Ohhhh yes, and we can’t forget the 17-year-old estranged son that comes up halfway through the book…

Really, though, while I’d hardly call it fine literature, it’s a quick and entertaining read. I suggest switching your dustjacket if you read in public, though. The title, “This Book Will Save Your Life”, makes everyone think that they have the right to interrupt your reading to find out how and why it will live up to its name. And really, it won’t. If I find my life in danger, I suspect that the only thing this book is good for is a projectile weapon.

But anyway, on to my point - Anytime I read a book, it prompts me to do an image search on the author. I’m shallow like that. Most of the time, I don’t see anything terribly interesting…a couple of publicity shots, maybe some pictures from a signing, that sort of thing. With A.M. Homes, though, I found MySpace Angles.

In case you aren’t familiar with MySpace Angles, let me explain. When a girl (or guy) wants to look hotter than he or she actually is, he/she sets out to take HUNDREDS of self-portraits from every conceivable angle. Almost anyone looks good from some angle. If the angles don’t help, most people will convert the images to black and white or increase the contrast. You can melt away pounds, reduce the appearance of blemishes, or hide an unsightly snaggle tooth.

So check this out - A.M. Homes MySpace angles:

And then we have the real pictures. It was clear in the first pictures that Homes is a portly kind of woman. Nothing wrong with that, though. Not everyone can have a body like Jessica Simpson. THEN we look at these and we wonder what on earth happened. I mean, in the first pictures you can look at her and think, “Wow, if she dropped a few, she’d be quite lovely.” These pictures hardly look like the same woman.

This is a two part entry, inspired by a stalker-blog I recently came across:

Neil Gaiman Stalking

I must say, ladies, you’ve done good work. I started the link on page 2, since there are no actual Neil Gaiman pictures on page 1, but once you actually get to the point, you don’t disappoint. Clearly, Neil is a very patient man who digs the monochromatic look and knows how to use a lint brush. I swear, my blacks are never that perfect. Zoom in and you’ll see what I mean.

The real question is this - Were those girls just really devoted fans, or are they secretly angry witches trying to get a hair sample for an evil spell. Seriously, ask any truly geeky girl (and I think you’ll agree that these ladies qualify - that’s an observation, not an insult) what they think about the hot geeky men marrying outside of geekdom and then stand back. Since they’re rarely wearing makeup, you’ll likely see color changes you didn’t even think possible in the human female face. It’s not pretty.

And of course, I saved the best part for last. Breaking news, right here on authorazzi.com, it’s Neil Gaiman’s secret hobby:String Emil. This is absolutely not safe for work, unless you work in a porn studio or research lab for human sexuality. In fact, if you’re at work, you might want to scroll really fast past what I’m about to post.

Amazing resemblance, if I do say so myself. But alas, it’s not him. Although, for those with a bit of a Neil Gaiman crush, I’m sure it could suffice. Personally, I’m holding out for the day his career falters and he decides to do Playgirl. Hey, it could happen.

EDIT: In case you’re wondering who Neil Gaiman is, check out these books:

American Gods: A Novel - (from amazon.com) American Gods is Neil Gaiman’s best and most ambitious novel yet, a scary, strange, and hallucinogenic road-trip story wrapped around a deep examination of the American spirit. Gaiman tackles everything from the onslaught of the information age to the meaning of death.

Coraline - (from amazon.com) Coraline lives with her preoccupied parents in part of a huge old house–a house so huge that other people live in it, too… round, old former actresses Miss Spink and Miss Forcible and their aging Highland terriers (”We trod the boards, luvvy”) and the mustachioed old man under the roof (”‘The reason you cannot see the mouse circus,’ said the man upstairs, ‘is that the mice are not yet ready and rehearsed.’”) Coraline contents herself for weeks with exploring the vast garden and grounds. But with a little rain she becomes bored–so bored that she begins to count everything blue (153), the windows (21), and the doors (14). And it is the 14th door that–sometimes blocked with a wall of bricks–opens up for Coraline into an entirely alternate universe.

Neverwhere - (from amazon.com) Neverwhere’s protagonist, Richard Mayhew, learns the hard way that no good deed goes unpunished. He ceases to exist in the ordinary world of London Above, and joins a quest through the dark and dangerous London Below, a shadow city of lost and forgotten people, places, and times.